勇氣 (Courage)

Time spent in Asia makes me acutely aware of the particular predicament that women in Asia are facing.

Women struggle to identify themselves through men, their needs and  values, while their sense of self growing ever stronger and irrepressible.  Almost every woman I know, and among them some of the most beautiful and successful woman at all ages and all social classes, are confused in a culture where men’s views in life and relationships are the defining force in the society.

The women in Taiwan are experiencing unprecedanted self-awakening, as their education level, life experiences, worldviews, and career achievements continue to rise.  However, definitions on gener roles still have not quite caught up with these changes in Taiwanese women.  Lots of women who have lived and been educated in western cultures, such as U.S. and countries in Europe, are particularly torn.

In a culture where businessmen treat visitations to hostess bars as part of business dealings, many women learn to accept men’s extra-marital flirtations as norm- especially when she’s married with men who possess wealth and/or fame, there’s nothing politically incorrect in Asian society when it comes to treatment of women.  Men could freely mocked women who exceed the age and weight they deem attractive.  Men’s cheating are more excusable than women’s flirtations outside of marriage.  Quite a few men have told me, “libido and success are proportional” when explaining their need for extramarital ventures.  The same men would condemn an attached woman who even give out their phone number to any man even if she never actually picked up the phone and answered the man’s invitation.

“Do you realize you guys have double standard?” I once asked such a man

“Yes, but that’s how things are.  This is not America.”

“Angel by day, slut by night.” “apt for the kitchen, shine in the hall”

As a woman we are asked to be many things.  We need to be sexy and yet respectable.  We need to be a good wife material but also a slut when a man’s in such a mood.  We need to be intelligent and capable but not overbearing.  We need to be sweet but not complacent and boring.  We need to be interesting, but not too challenging.  We need to be whatever a man needs us to be at any given situation.

All the while, men only need to be themselves.

So here is what I want to say to you about courage, women:

Do you have the courage to walk away from any relationship where yourself is undermined.   Have you let anyone lead you to believe that having principles, interests, values, and qualities deviating from what’s prevalent and generally appreciated exclude you from love and happiness.  Trust me, the world is big.  No matter what you are, there’d sure be someone to love you.   Place your heart, your affection to the right person.  Your value does not depend on anyone but yourself.

Focus in yourself first, before entering in a relationship. Don’t let anyone tell you there is only a certain type of woman who deserves love and happiness.  There is no such a type.  Men could love or toss the same woman at his whim.  Has Brad Pitt married Angelina Jolie, I believe he’d cheat on her with Jennifer Aniston too.

Your job is not to customize yourself so a man would love you, but to find a man who loves you, whoever you are.   If you are in a relationship or marriage, your biggest challenge is not to make sure your man stays loyal, but to make sure you do not lose self-esteem and ability to enjoy life along the way.  You should not rely on something changeable, constantly evolving, and unpredictable, for your permenant peace and happiness, and therefore it shouldn’t a man’s affection, it should be you.   You are the only person that holds the key to your own happiness, sense of security and stability.

 

女孩們, 妳們有沒有勇氣離開不能讓妳做自己的男人呢? 是誰告訴妳有自己想法, 原則, 不只是微笑點頭, 所謂溫柔, 不能找到幸福, 相信我, 轉身, 做最好的自己, 你會遇到跟妳相近的靈魂, 給我身邊所有的好女孩!把心, 把溫柔, 放在對的地方! 妳, 一定要相信, 妳的好, 不需別人證明! 愛, 要自己先給自己, God Bless!

~ by anita314 on April 23, 2010.